Mandatory Watching for First Time Mom's to Be

As I sit here over due and thinking about the (hopefully soon) arrival of Baby S, I can't help but feel nervous.  It is only natural of course - we are first time parents so this is all new.  I particularly find myself worried about screwing up my kid in some non-repairable way.  Visions of therapy and stumped emotional growth dance through my head.  Am I capable of being a good parent? 

I am happy to announce that when I have these fears I have found a sure fire way to curb them...................I watch Toddlers and Tiaras.  In fact, I think this little gem of a show on TLC should in fact be required television for all first time parents to be. 

At this point, I am sure many people are wondering if I have lost my mind.  I mean how can a show about children's beauty pageant's where scenes like this one be related to good parenting.  Let me tell you how - it reassures me that no matter what I can't screw my kid up this badly.

Now now don't get me wrong, I don't hate beauty pageants.  In fact, there are occasionally girls and moms on this show that truly seem to enjoy it and are part of a normal functioning family.  To these families I say keep it up - any thing that a family can enjoy and do together is good.  But sadly this doesn't seem the norm.  Instead we see mom's living through their kids and forcing kids into crazy situations. I mean who waxes their 4 year old?  Or gives their toddler fake teeth so you can't tell their teeth aren't pretty.  In one episode, a mom actually said she thought it was cute that her 2 year old hit her and told her she hates her.  Actually this isn't normal - and you might want to listen when your kid cries as you force her onto a stage and she screams I hate you. 

So to my fellow first time parents, the next time you are up late in the middle of the night wandering what kind of emotional damage your bad parenting may cause your kid, I invite you to find Toddlers and Tiaras either on TV or online.  This is should reassure you about your abilities and help you get back to sleep.

P.S. Apparently I should also add shop on JC Penney's online to the list of must do items for first time parents. Who greenlighted this gem?